Purpose Over Pleasure

"I'm done!"

Those were my thoughts multiple times during this weekend's half marathon. As I got further into the race, I told myself, I'm done! I am done with Zooma. I am done with long distance running. I am done with running race in temperatures above 70 degrees. I am DONE!

At the start of the race, one of the first things I noticed was that the pacer's shirt read. Run Walk Run. I asked the pacer if that meant she would be doing intervals. Her response, "Yes, 2 minutes of running with 30 sec breaks at a 8:40 pace." I was immediately intimidated but I figured I would give it a shot. I did not typically run intervals but these ladies had a tried and true method to get me to my goal time. So I tried it out. I was outside of my comfort zone but that is where growth starts, right?!

I was running strong all the way through mile 9. Based on my mile time splits, I was inspired and moving right along the course. I was even smiling as I passed mile 5. Perhaps it was because I saw my husband and daughters as I approached the corner. Perhaps it was because I was feeling proud of myself. In either case, my smile was genuine.  I was going to make it to the finish line and was determined to meet my goal time of finishing at 2 hours flat.

It was great until I got past the 8 mile marker. That is when I started to pull back. I was done! I made it through the trails and up the bridge. As we entered into the park, the reception on my phone went dead and my music was no longer playing in my ears. This was the music I spent time dropping into my Spotify account the night before the race. This was the music that was helping to keep me moving at tempo. This was the same music that sent motivating words to my ear so that I would keep putting one foot in front of the other. When my music went silent, so did not inner voice. I'm done!

I felt dehydrated and I could not understand it. I was drinking my sports drink. It was meant to keep my hydrated throughout the race. And I had been using it for the past sixty days with no issues. Why was this run any different? I could not pinpoint it but I know I wanted to stop. I wanted to walk. Even better, I wanted someone to pick me up and drive me to the finish. I was done!

I was feeling so discouraged. I ran two other half marathons just a few weeks ago. The temperature was lower at both races. Perhaps that made the difference. I felt stronger. I felt confident. I felt sure of myself. And I was so close to the goal. Actually, less than three minutes away from my goal. But this race, this felt different.  I was done!

As I ran along, I began to try to rationalize what I was feeling. Perhaps the Friday evening Lighthouse Loop 5k was too much for me. After all, I told myself that it was just a shakeout run. You know, just a run to get my limbs moving. To stretch out any kinks and to prepare my body for the morning. Nothing too fast. Just enough to shake the nerves out. I will spare you the details, but my 10 minute per mile pace quickly changed to a 9:05 mile pace. Instead of completing the race in 30 minutes, I finished in 28:07 minutes. Trust me when I tell you, those two minutes make a great deal of difference during a race, especially in a race with hills.

That race was over and now it was it time to get to the next finish line. But I was done. In fact, I was so done that I made it to mile twelve and almost cried. I was not feeling joy at making this far. Instead, I was feeling sad that it was not over. I wanted nothing more but to be finished. It got so bad that I made a phone call. Who makes a phone call during a race? I was done! I called my husband around mile 12.5 to let him know that I was tired and did not feel like it anymore. He told me that he could see me and that I was almost at the finish line. I told him I was coming and kept moving. I felt like I was barely moving along but I was definitely moving. One foot in front of the other.

Sometimes, a strong support system will carry you along. At other times, you will have to find your own inner strength to carry you to your finish. This is the reason understanding your WHY is so important. What motivates you to do what you do? What is your end goal? What will happen/ who will be negatively impacted if you do not meet your goal?

I just kept looking down and telling myself that there was purpose. I do not run for accolades. I do not run for fun. I run for inspiration. I run for inner peace. I run for uninterrupted time with God. My race was not about my pleasure. It was about purpose. And because of a greater purpose, I completed the race.

As I took a stroll along the beach later in the day, I realized a few things:

• We cannot look at past behaviors as justifications for our current situations. Sure, some of our actions have rewards while other have consequences. Yet, those rewards or consequences do not completely dictate future outcomes. God forgives us. When he forgives, he erases our pasts and we start with a clean slate. 

• Perhaps I should not have tried something different on race day. Maybe not. But guess what?! You know the saying...nothing ventured, nothing gained. We are meant to take risks. Meant to try new things. Meant to walk in boldness instead of in fear. God has given us all a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind.

• This race weekend did not produce every single goal that I personally anticipated. However, I accomplished just what I meant to accomplish. I completed two races in two days for the first time ever. Sometimes our finish line will look different than we imagined it to be. That is okay. Learning to be flexible to accept our small wins is a victory all of its own. #ZoomaStrong #SeasideChallenge